'Arf my time
I'm a stuck-up prig, as orter be jolly well kicked--'
"'At which times,' I interrupted, 'I have heard you express some
extremely uncomplimentary opinions concerning 'Arries.'
"'I know,' he replied, in a voice betraying strong emotion; 'that's where
it's so precious rough on me. When I'm a toff I despises myself, 'cos I
knows that underneath my sneering phiz I'm a bloomin' 'Arry. When I'm an
'Arry, I 'ates myself 'cos I knows I'm a toff.'
"'Can't you decide which character you prefer, and stick to it?' I asked.
"'No,' he answered, 'I carn't. It's a rum thing, but whichever I am,
sure as fate, 'bout the end of a month I begin to get sick o' myself.'
"'I can quite understand it,' I murmured; 'I should give way myself in a
fortnight.'
"'I've been myself, now,' he continued, without noticing my remark, 'for
somethin' like ten days. One mornin', in 'bout three weeks' time, I
shall get up in my diggins in the Mile End Road, and I shall look round
the room, and at these clothes 'angin' over the bed, and at this yer
concertina' (he gave it an affectionate squeeze), 'and I shall feel
myself gettin' scarlet all over. Then I shall jump out o' bed, and look
at myself in the glass. "You howling little cad," I shall say to myself,
"I have half a mind to strangle you"; and I shall shave myself, and put
on a quiet blue serge suit and a bowler 'at, tell my landlady to keep my
rooms for me till I comes back, slip out o' the 'ouse, and into the fust
'ansom I meets, and back to the Halbany.
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