O that I had seen her! that I
had once more asked her forgiveness! But even that privilege, that
consolation, was denied me! The day on which I meant to visit her, most
of my property was attached, and, to secure the rest, I was obliged to
shut my doors and become a prisoner in my own house. High living, and
old debts incurred by extravagance, had reduced the fortune of my wife
to very little, and I could not satisfy the clamorous demands of my
creditors.
I would have given millions, had I possessed them, to have been at
liberty to see, and to have had the power to preserve Eliza from death.
But in vain was my anxiety; it could not relieve, it could not liberate
me. When I first heard the dreadful tidings of her exit, I believe I
acted like a madman; indeed, I am little else now. I have compounded
with my creditors, and resigned the whole of my property. Thus that
splendor and equipage, to secure which I have sacrificed a virtuous
woman, is taken from me. That poverty, the dread of which prevented my
forming an honorable connection with an amiable and accomplished
girl,--the only one I ever loved,--has fallen with redoubled vengeance
upon my guilty head, and I must become a vagabond on the earth.
I shall fly my country as soon as possible. I shall go from every object
which reminds me of my departed Eliza; but never, never shall I
eradicate from my bosom the idea of her excellence, nor the painful
remembrance of the injuries I have done her.
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