And on this account I cannot be
positive that even Eliza would retain my love.
My Nancy and I have lived a pretty uncomfortable life of late. She has
been very suspicious of my amour with Eliza, and now and then expressed
her jealous sentiments a little more warmly than my patience would
bear. But the news of Eliza's circumstances and retirement, being
publicly talked of, have reached her ears, and rendered her quite
outrageous. She tells me she will no longer brook my indifference and
infidelity; intends soon to return to her father's house, and extricate
herself from me entirely. My general reply to all this is, that she knew
my character before we married, and could reasonably expect nothing less
than what has happened. I shall not oppose her leaving me, as it may
conduce to the execution of the plan I have hinted above.
To-morrow I shall set out to visit my disconsolate fair one. From my
very soul I pity her, and wish I could have preserved her virtue
consistently with the indulgence of my passion. To her I lay not the
principal blame, as in like cases I do the sex in general. My finesse
was too well planned for detection, and my snares too deeply laid for
any one to escape who had the least warmth in her constitution, or
affection in her heart. I shall, therefore, be the less whimsical about
a future connection, and the more solicitous to make her reparation,
should it ever be in my power.
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