She is polluted, and no more worthy of her parentage. She flies
from you, not to conceal her guilt, (that she humbly and penitently
owns,) but to avoid what she has never experienced, and feels herself
unable to support--a mother's frown; to escape the heart-rending sight
of a parent's grief, occasioned by the crimes of her guilty child.
I have become a reproach and disgrace to my friends. The consciousness
of having forfeited their favor and incurred their disapprobation and
resentment induces me to conceal from them the place of my retirement;
but lest your benevolence should render you anxious for my comfort in my
present situation, I take the liberty to assure you that I am amply
provided for.
I have no claim even upon your pity; but from my long experience of your
tenderness. I presume to hope it will be extended to me. O my mother, if
you knew what the state of my mind is, and has been for months past, you
would surely compassionate my case. Could tears efface the stain which I
have brought upon my family, it would long since have been washed away;
but, alas! tears are in vain; and vain is my bitter repentance; it
cannot obliterate my crime, nor restore me to innocence and peace. In
this life I have no ideas of happiness. These I have wholly resigned.
The only hope which affords me any solace is that of your forgiveness.
If the deepest contrition can make an atonement,--if the severest pains,
both of body and mind, can restore me to your charity,--you will not be
inexorable.
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