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Farnol, Jeffery, 1878-1952

"Peregrine's Progress"

Turning to the
title page of the little book I saw this:
ETIQUETTE FOR THE FAIR SEX
BEING HINTS ON FEMININE MANNERS & DEPORTMENT.
BY AN ACKNOWLEDGED SCION OF THE BON TON.
"It's a rather terrible book, I think," sighed Diana.
"Not a doubt of it," said I. "What do you think, Jerry?"
"Aye," he nodded, "I used to sell that book once, or one like it--"
"I mean," explained Diana, "it will be terribly hard to teach myself
to do everything it says--"
"Indeed, I should think so," I nodded.
"You see," she mourned, "I--I didn't act a bit right when you--told me
you--loved me--"
"Ah, but you did, Diana--"
"No, Peregrine, I was quite wrong and oh, most unladylike!"
"How so?"
"Well, I didn't tremble with maiden modesty or yield my hand coyly and
by degrees, or droop my lashes, or falter with my breath--or--"
"Why in the world should you?"
"Because all ladies must do that--let me show you." So saying she took
the book, turned over a leaf or so, and putting it into my hand, bade
me read aloud, which I did, as follows:
"'UPON RECEIVING A PROPOSAL OF MARRIAGE.
On this trying occasion, should the answer be in the affirmative,
yield the hand coyly and by degrees to the passion of the happy
suitor's lips; at the same time the lashes must droop, the whole
form tremble with maiden modesty, the breath must falter and the
bosom surge a little, though perceptibly--'"
My voice faltered and in spite of my efforts I burst out laughing,
while Jeremy began to hammer again; whereupon Diana wrested the book
from me and stood, flushed and angry, viewing me in lofty disdain.


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