And yet,' he said bitterly, '_I_ hesitate and doubt,
in a matter of right and wrong, like an Academic philosopher weighing and
balancing mere speculative straws.' Those were his very words. 'And so,'
said he, 'I am miserable; deserving to be miserable.'
*Dubitatio cogitationem significat injuriae.
"Then I ventured to remind him that he, and I, and all Christian souls,
had a resource not known to heathen philosophers, however able. And I
said, 'Dear Alfred, when I am in doubt and difficulty, I go and pray to
Him to guide me aright: have you done so?' No, that had never occurred to
him: but he would, if I made a point of it; and at any rate he could not
go on in this way. I should soon see him again, and, once his mind was
made up, no shrinking from mere consequences, he promised me. Then we
bade one another good night and he went off holding his head as proudly
as he used: and poor silly me fluttered, and nearly hysterical, as soon
as I quite lost sight of him."
_"Dec. 17th._--At church in the morning: a good sermon. Notes and
analysis. In the evening Jane's clergyman preached.
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