Is it really true that a new life is dawning for me? What is
it? Is it one of Nature's tricks, or is it God's mercy at last for all
I suffered, and for the great love I bear in my heart? Perhaps there
exists a mystic law which gives the woman to the man who loves her
most in order that a great, eternal commandment of the Creator should
be fulfilled. I do not know. I have a feeling as if I and all those
near me were carried away by an immense wave, beyond human will or
human control.
I interrupted my writing again, because the carriage I sent for the
doctor has come back without him. He has an operation on hand and
could not come, but promised to be here in the morning. He must remain
with us at Ploszow until our departure, and go with us to Rome. There
I shall find others to take his place.
It is late in the night. Aniela is asleep, and has no foreboding of
what is hanging over her, what a complete change in her life has taken
place. May it bring peace and happiness to her! She deserves it all.
Perhaps it is for her sake God's mercy is showing.
My nerves are so overstrung that I start when I hear a dog barking in
the distance, or the watchman's rattle; it seems to me as if somebody
were bringing news and trying to get to Aniela. I make an effort to
calm myself, and explain away the strange fear that haunts me, by the
state of Aniela's health; I try to be convinced that but for this I
should not feel so uneasy.
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