"
She noticed at once my unusual state; there was a momentary terror in
her eyes, but she collected herself at once and said quickly:--
"You must be my guardian now in mamma's absence. There was a time when
I used to be afraid of you; but now I trust you and feel quite at ease
with you."
I kissed her hands and said in a choking voice: "Oh, Aniela, if you
knew what is passing within me!"
She replied, with sadness and compassion: "I know; you are so good,
and all the nobler."
For a moment I still fought with myself; but she disarmed me,--I did
not dare. During the remainder of the day she tried to compensate me
for my restraint. Never had I seen in her eyes so much affection and
such tenderness. Is this not perhaps the best way, after all? Perhaps
in this guise the feeling will grow stronger and conquer her at last.
I do not know, I begin to lose my head. But following this road I
sacrifice every day my love for love's sake.
29 August.
Something very strange and terrifying has happened. During the
sitting, while posing quietly, Aniela suddenly shuddered, her face
grew very red and then turned as white as snow. Both Angeli and I were
terribly frightened. He interrupted his work at once and asked Aniela
to rest; I brought her a glass of water. After a few moments she grew
better and wanted to resume the pose; but I saw that it cost her some
effort and that she still seemed dazed.
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