I can give you no advice,
for I do not know what advice I ought to give. I try to put myself out
of the question and to consider you, and you only; but even then I
fear that my judgment is not impartial. At any rate, the less we see
of each other at present the better, for I do not wish to appear to be
taking any undue advantage. If we are destined to pass our lives
together, this temporary estrangement will not matter, and if on the
other hand we are doomed to a life-long separation the sooner we begin
the better. It is a hard world, and sometimes (as it does now) my
heart sinks within me as from year to year I struggle on towards a
happiness that ever vanishes when I stretch out my hand to clasp it;
but, if I feel thus, what must you feel who have so much more to bear?
My dearest love, what can I say? I can only say with you, God help
us!"
This letter did not tend to raise Ida's spirits. Evidently her lover
saw that there was another side to the question--the side of duty, and
was too honest to hide it from her. She had said that she would have
nothing to do with Edward Cossey, but she was well aware that the
matter was still an open one. What should she do, what ought she to
do? Abandon her love, desecrate herself and save her father and her
house, or cling to her love and leave the rest to chance? It was a
cruel position, nor did the lapse of time tend to make it less cruel.
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